3 Years Ago, Today and the infinite atonement.

     I was reading through some very old posts that I had deleted and what not, when I realized I still had some pretty bad posts attached to this blog. Especially a post called " A few chances" DON'T go read it. It's terribly melodramatic. But I had some interesting realizations as I sat reading my awful sad self of three years ago. My how things have changed and let me show you what I mean by that. First let's review what was wrong with the old post.
     "I don't understand...so maybe something can be made plain here. Does God condemn those who don't understand everything?  Does he hate those who think differently than he? Does he not think that those who think differently want to think like he?....Does God hate those who hate? Does he dislike everyone who can't forgive? Even when that forgiveness begs to be given! Even when I would give it at the least of a second.....but cant because it still hurts too much! It's to fresh a wound. Why does pain have to hurt so deeply that you could die in it! "

    So yeah I honestly feel embarrassed that I even wrote it because I see the blasphemy now. I can't honestly believe I was so confused back then and so spiritually blind.But I am glad I can right this wrong here and now. I know the truth and that is...all of those questions don't matter. He lives and loves everyone just the same. And because I know that, I know this quote by Oscar Wilde is true too.

                                                   

As I searched for something to help me find what I had missed in that all post I  came across  this beautiful quote by a current apostle of the LDS church. David A Bednar:

                                                        

"You cannot exercise Faith in God until we acknowledge that he exists and we have a correct understanding of His Character, Nature, and Attributes. So the beginning of Faith starts in UNDERSTANDING THE CHARACTER OF CHRIST- David A Bednar"

So right there in that second quote is the word UNDERSTANDING and in the very first sentence of my melodrama is "I don't understand...so maybe something can be made plain here. Does God condemn those who don't understand everything? 

    This was my lack of faith in a nutshell. This was no one telling me that my loving Heavenly Father condemns the lack of understanding. This was me confused and hurt. So I blamed the one person in my life who has never hurt me. I know now that My Heavenly Father does not condemn anyone, but we as mere humans condemn ourselves as we blame someone for our lack of knowledge instead of growing closer by our own study and understanding.  He loves us and helps us to grow in understanding. He is pleased in our efforts as we find who we are in his countenance. He is a loving generous heavenly father who loves each and everyone of us no matter how hard that sounds. His love is eternal and his love never stops as long as we are here on this earth trying to become like him. Even when we fall short we are still loved and adored by a most high God who never leaves us. That is a promise we are made in the scriptures and in many examples of faithful people who could never have done what they did without him; Noah, Joseph, Moses, Abinadi, Nephi, and so many others.

"Does he hate those who think differently than he? Does he not think that those who think differently want to think like he?....Does God hate those who hate? Does he dislike everyone who can't forgive?"

   Man How dumb do I sound?? This is a revelation to me that I am not that person anymore. He doesn't hate anyone. Sure he might not like our decisions but who am I to believe any differently than he loves each of us unconditionally. If people didn't think differently what thoughts would be shared? What knowledge would be freely given. If everyone thought the exact same thing what agency would we have. Does he hate those who hate? hate is a very strong word and if there is anything I have learned in my years of seminary, institute, gospel docterine, gospel principles, docterine study, temple prep and mission prep is that God loves you no matter what you have done. If you love him, and respect him, he will do the same for you ten times over. Finally the question does he dislike everyone who can't forgive. I don't know the answer to that.  

          But the missionaries I was chatting with made an excellent point

" he knows what we feel when we are hurt so I don't think he gets made about that but he does want us to love and forgive others because we are all his children. Just remember he loves us just like our parents here on earth do"

The Sisters also found the perfect scripture to counter act all of that junk I tried to say.
Moroni 8:17: And I am filled with ^acharity, which is everlasting love; wherefore, all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and ^bpartakers of salvation.

This made me realize the one piece in this entire puzzle that I completely missed.
    The Atonement. 
This is where all of my answers were. This is where all of my questions would have answered themselves. THIS IS the part that I didn't understand before.

Mosiah 3: 16 (16-19)   16 And even if it were possible that little achildren could sin they could not be saved; but I say unto you they are bblessed; for behold, as in Adam, or by nature, they fall, even so the blood of Christ catoneth for their sins. So something the wonderful apostle Elder Russell M. Nelson said  in October 1996 was " That brings us to the Atonement. Paul said, “As in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.” 14 The Atonement of Jesus Christ became the immortal creation. He volunteered to answer the ends of a law previously transgressed. 15 And by the shedding of His blood, His 16 and our physical bodies could become perfected. They could again function without blood, just as Adam’s and Eve’s did in their paradisiacal form. Paul taught that “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; … this mortal must put on immortality."  Elder Nelson when on to discuss the meaning of the Atonement      Rich meaning is found in study of the word atonement in the Semitic languages of Old Testament times. In Hebrew, the basic word for atonement is kaphar, a verb that means “to cover” or “to forgive.” 19Closely related is the Aramaic and Arabic word kafat, meaning “a close embrace”—no doubt related to the Egyptian ritual embrace. References to that embrace are evident in the Book of Mormon. One states that “the Lord hath redeemed my soul … ; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.” 20 Another proffers the glorious hope of our being “clasped in the arms of Jesus.” 21      I weep for joy when I contemplate the significance of it all. To be redeemed is to be atoned—received in the close embrace of God with an expression not only of His forgiveness, but of our oneness of heart and mind. What a privilege! And what a comfort to those of us with loved ones who have already passed from our family circle through the gateway we call death  He then closes with the most profound thing I have heard in awhile and it reminds me why  I want to serve.            This is the great latter-day work of which we are a part. That is why we have missionaries; that is why we have temples—to bring the fullest blessings of the Atonement to faithful children of God. That is why we respond to our own calls from the Lord. When we comprehend His voluntary Atonement, any sense of sacrifice on our part becomes completely overshadowed by a profound sense of gratitude for the privilege of serving Him.     I can't believe that I missed such a crucial part in my life only three years ago. I didn't how to search for my fathers love. I can't believe how blind I was and how free I feel now! I am just in full awe and the amount of love I have in my heart for my Savior and our Loving Heavenly Father is almost unbelievable.   That is what I got wrong three years ago. I didn't understand and I wasn't grateful for the biggest blessing in my life. The atonement.

With Faith in every footstep

        So I officially graduated and the day after moved away to live with my grandmother who also just happened to have a job lined up for me. So here I am finally, a receptionist at a court reporting agency. Honestly this couldn't be a more perfect job for me. I get to talk to people all day, serve people by transferring calls and serving those around me as I make cookies and coffee for the office. To be honest I love the way the coffee smells but everyone knows  my grandmother and I don't drink it so it's kind of silly to have me doing it.
     I have learned a lot in just the last two days about how this office works and what people expect of a receptionist. I only hope I can get the hang of it before any problems. I know I can get pretty tongue tied and I only pray that "my tongue may be loosened" haha. It's really awful. I just can"t get the script out and I wonder how crazy I am for thinking I can do this for the next three to six months.

    As for my mission preparation. I promise it's not on hold, just on a schedule.  my next dentist appointment is on June 5th and my wisdom teeth have to be taken out soon as well. Along with a full physical I just pray everything goes smoothly and I can get my call before September.


    Much love guys. It's been a journey.
     Rach

The Last Days of Judas Iscariot and Cal Arts

So here is one of my final posts as a  Cal Arts student. Crazy no? I'm actually not sure where the days went....but there goes two more years of education and for the first time I don't feel ready to leave somewhere...but that is for another post.

This post is to discuss a play I saw last night. The MFA 2 acting students produced a play called the Last Days of Judas Iscariot by Stephen Adley Guirgis. This play is the court case of Judas Iscariot who has been placed in limbo between heaven and hell after committing suicide after his earthly betrayal of Christ. The two attorneys were both trying to convince the judge he belonged in heaven or hell. They called many witnesses including saints, Mother Theresa, Judas's mother, Caiaphas the Elder, Pontius Pilot, and Satan himself. The play was a very big laugh and I thought it was over all brilliant but some points there were brought up about heaven and hell just further proved to me that the LDS religion's view of the after life makes perfect sense.

So in case any one doesn't know the Latter Day Saints believe that before we came to Earth, that Our Heavenly Father (AKA God) created a plan that gave us the ability to live as families and mortal beings on Earth but after Earth Life still have the opportunity to be with those family members again after death. We believe that all men will be judged after life by a merciful God and that he will reward everyone with a place inside his kingdom. We believe this Kingdom will consist of three degrees of Glory. Though we as saints strive for the highest of exaltation known as the Celestial Kingdom, the second and third Kingdoms (The Terrestial and the Telestial)  are not considered hell. For the glory of the Telestial "surpasses all understanding". Therefore it is not considered hell. What we do consider the closest thing to Hell is Outer Darkness. The only people that go there are those known as "Sons of Perdition" and let me tell you it is harder to go to Outer darkness then it is to go to a kingdom of Glory.

Outer Darkness is reserved for those people who, after gaining a full knowledge of the Gospel, willfully deny and contend against the Holy Ghost. (Satan, his followers from the premortal life, and those who were born on earth but chose to become sons of perdition.) These individuals who inherit no glory, Although resurrected, and thus immortal, they willfully rebelled and rejected the right to salvation. 

So now that you have a little background let me tell you why I loved this play that I was able to attend. .There was a point in the play where Mother Theresa discussed the idea that those in spirit prison were not there because they were awful, in trouble, or going to go straight to hell, but because they don't want to face themselves yet. I know this feeling!!! I know that might sound crazy but many don't seek forgiveness because it seems too easy or they honestly don't believe they are worthy enough to be forgiven. it was the same with this play. They portrayed Judas as in a mental prison that he did not want to leave though Christ told him he was forgiven ( and to me that didn't seem untrue but probably a little weaved together for the play's sake)  He could not believe he could just be Christ's friend again after betraying him not because of what he had done but because he felt that Christ had abandoned him.

There was another moment when my favorite actor (and very close friend) in the whole world was portraying a beautiful version of Satan. He was on the witness stand for being the cause of the fall of man and being the cause of evil in the world. Satan went on to say that free agency was not something that humans should have had to deal with and that's why he and Heavenly Father disagreed. But When asked if God still loved him. He said of course. This was a whole world of mind boggling for me (see paragraph 4 - the white one) but hear him out he explained his thoughts. He said as much as he didn't agree with God, he still was made after his own image. He knew God still loved him and when the attorney yelled at him for being a liar and being cast of Heaven. Satan very calmly said something astounding. He said. I wasn't thrown from Heaven in a a blaze of fire, I left I couldn't stay because i no longer agreed with my maker but that in no way says he stopped loving me. I just stopped loving him. ( He then went on to make a joke about christmas cards and all other big holiday gift baskets...but I stopped to think about what SATAN had just honestly said and I don't think many people think Heavenly Father still loves Satan...but he is his son...so shouldn't he?)

 This answer proved something to me as a daughter of  God. I doubt the actor knew what kind of an impact this line had on me. Everyone on this Earth is a son or daughter of  my Heavenly Father.  I should love all like he loves all. As a missionary I will be teaching this love and who better  to teach then someone who has been as far away from his love as I have.He loves every single one of us, even those that chose to walk away from him or disagree. That's the amazing story of the Atonement and the amazing amount of love for all of God's children. This has been one of the biggest reasons I want to serve because every single one of his children deserve to know that he loves them and that he has a plan for them and none of them no matter the magnitude of sin that they think they have committed are too far to turn around, repent and return to Christ and their loving Heavenly Father.