3 Years Ago, Today and the infinite atonement.

     I was reading through some very old posts that I had deleted and what not, when I realized I still had some pretty bad posts attached to this blog. Especially a post called " A few chances" DON'T go read it. It's terribly melodramatic. But I had some interesting realizations as I sat reading my awful sad self of three years ago. My how things have changed and let me show you what I mean by that. First let's review what was wrong with the old post.
     "I don't understand...so maybe something can be made plain here. Does God condemn those who don't understand everything?  Does he hate those who think differently than he? Does he not think that those who think differently want to think like he?....Does God hate those who hate? Does he dislike everyone who can't forgive? Even when that forgiveness begs to be given! Even when I would give it at the least of a second.....but cant because it still hurts too much! It's to fresh a wound. Why does pain have to hurt so deeply that you could die in it! "

    So yeah I honestly feel embarrassed that I even wrote it because I see the blasphemy now. I can't honestly believe I was so confused back then and so spiritually blind.But I am glad I can right this wrong here and now. I know the truth and that is...all of those questions don't matter. He lives and loves everyone just the same. And because I know that, I know this quote by Oscar Wilde is true too.

                                                   

As I searched for something to help me find what I had missed in that all post I  came across  this beautiful quote by a current apostle of the LDS church. David A Bednar:

                                                        

"You cannot exercise Faith in God until we acknowledge that he exists and we have a correct understanding of His Character, Nature, and Attributes. So the beginning of Faith starts in UNDERSTANDING THE CHARACTER OF CHRIST- David A Bednar"

So right there in that second quote is the word UNDERSTANDING and in the very first sentence of my melodrama is "I don't understand...so maybe something can be made plain here. Does God condemn those who don't understand everything? 

    This was my lack of faith in a nutshell. This was no one telling me that my loving Heavenly Father condemns the lack of understanding. This was me confused and hurt. So I blamed the one person in my life who has never hurt me. I know now that My Heavenly Father does not condemn anyone, but we as mere humans condemn ourselves as we blame someone for our lack of knowledge instead of growing closer by our own study and understanding.  He loves us and helps us to grow in understanding. He is pleased in our efforts as we find who we are in his countenance. He is a loving generous heavenly father who loves each and everyone of us no matter how hard that sounds. His love is eternal and his love never stops as long as we are here on this earth trying to become like him. Even when we fall short we are still loved and adored by a most high God who never leaves us. That is a promise we are made in the scriptures and in many examples of faithful people who could never have done what they did without him; Noah, Joseph, Moses, Abinadi, Nephi, and so many others.

"Does he hate those who think differently than he? Does he not think that those who think differently want to think like he?....Does God hate those who hate? Does he dislike everyone who can't forgive?"

   Man How dumb do I sound?? This is a revelation to me that I am not that person anymore. He doesn't hate anyone. Sure he might not like our decisions but who am I to believe any differently than he loves each of us unconditionally. If people didn't think differently what thoughts would be shared? What knowledge would be freely given. If everyone thought the exact same thing what agency would we have. Does he hate those who hate? hate is a very strong word and if there is anything I have learned in my years of seminary, institute, gospel docterine, gospel principles, docterine study, temple prep and mission prep is that God loves you no matter what you have done. If you love him, and respect him, he will do the same for you ten times over. Finally the question does he dislike everyone who can't forgive. I don't know the answer to that.  

          But the missionaries I was chatting with made an excellent point

" he knows what we feel when we are hurt so I don't think he gets made about that but he does want us to love and forgive others because we are all his children. Just remember he loves us just like our parents here on earth do"

The Sisters also found the perfect scripture to counter act all of that junk I tried to say.
Moroni 8:17: And I am filled with ^acharity, which is everlasting love; wherefore, all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and ^bpartakers of salvation.

This made me realize the one piece in this entire puzzle that I completely missed.
    The Atonement. 
This is where all of my answers were. This is where all of my questions would have answered themselves. THIS IS the part that I didn't understand before.

Mosiah 3: 16 (16-19)   16 And even if it were possible that little achildren could sin they could not be saved; but I say unto you they are bblessed; for behold, as in Adam, or by nature, they fall, even so the blood of Christ catoneth for their sins. So something the wonderful apostle Elder Russell M. Nelson said  in October 1996 was " That brings us to the Atonement. Paul said, “As in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.” 14 The Atonement of Jesus Christ became the immortal creation. He volunteered to answer the ends of a law previously transgressed. 15 And by the shedding of His blood, His 16 and our physical bodies could become perfected. They could again function without blood, just as Adam’s and Eve’s did in their paradisiacal form. Paul taught that “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; … this mortal must put on immortality."  Elder Nelson when on to discuss the meaning of the Atonement      Rich meaning is found in study of the word atonement in the Semitic languages of Old Testament times. In Hebrew, the basic word for atonement is kaphar, a verb that means “to cover” or “to forgive.” 19Closely related is the Aramaic and Arabic word kafat, meaning “a close embrace”—no doubt related to the Egyptian ritual embrace. References to that embrace are evident in the Book of Mormon. One states that “the Lord hath redeemed my soul … ; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.” 20 Another proffers the glorious hope of our being “clasped in the arms of Jesus.” 21      I weep for joy when I contemplate the significance of it all. To be redeemed is to be atoned—received in the close embrace of God with an expression not only of His forgiveness, but of our oneness of heart and mind. What a privilege! And what a comfort to those of us with loved ones who have already passed from our family circle through the gateway we call death  He then closes with the most profound thing I have heard in awhile and it reminds me why  I want to serve.            This is the great latter-day work of which we are a part. That is why we have missionaries; that is why we have temples—to bring the fullest blessings of the Atonement to faithful children of God. That is why we respond to our own calls from the Lord. When we comprehend His voluntary Atonement, any sense of sacrifice on our part becomes completely overshadowed by a profound sense of gratitude for the privilege of serving Him.     I can't believe that I missed such a crucial part in my life only three years ago. I didn't how to search for my fathers love. I can't believe how blind I was and how free I feel now! I am just in full awe and the amount of love I have in my heart for my Savior and our Loving Heavenly Father is almost unbelievable.   That is what I got wrong three years ago. I didn't understand and I wasn't grateful for the biggest blessing in my life. The atonement.